Heir Club 4 Growth: Orangutan Edition

In the modern world of cuckoo conservatism, too many deranged lunatics of the right-wing variety have come to the fore to name any one of them the movement's standard bearing Top Grifter. Yet, if any one of these air-sucking bimbos wins the prize for taking best advantage of his 60 minutes of idiocy-producing fame, it would be the self-promoting, mop-topped ignoramus formerly known as Donald Trump.

Trump has gone from failed presidential candidate for the Compost Tea Party, that fecal-strewn dumping ground for deranged American pseudo-politicians, to simply failed American absent the ability to differentiate between the Trump-descriptive term "joke" and "legally-binding contract."

What follows is a take-down of the idiot's judiciary-clogging frivolity by the comedian who fired up the lone cell in The Donald's brain -- Bill Maher. Hilarity follows.

Oh, Donald ...

New GOP just like Old GOP: Of 'gaseous rhetoric' and other noxious smells

Watching the Tea Party die a slow death takes me back to our era of Free Love. Great times of in-your-face, bra-waving, van rockin' wild orgy sexual freedom looks and sounds a lot like Tea Party in-your-face, English-mangled sign waving, race baitin' wild flirtations with unfounded conspiracies and stupidity.

Yup, it's all fun and freedom until you've got exploding rates of STDs, this new thing called AIDS and kids running around named Rainbow, Sunshine and Unicorn (that latter I'm presuming is the boy). As a cultural movement, the Tea Party offered even more downsides with its clinging to blatant racism, Second Amendment remedies and all manner of rape lunacy. Sure the Summer of Love was tons more fun than our adventures in Tea Party astroturf but both faced a common threat -- reality.

Now the GOP, which previously welcomed the young insurgency supposedly under the watchful eye of trusted stalwart Dick Armey, is stuck with the stench of burned tea after losing an election that was only theirs to lose. And they're working hard to figure out what went wrong with the most well-funded campaign ever waged in the most low rent manner possible.

The Daily Beast's Michael Tomasky notices the lack of genuine effort on the GOP's part. "Paul Ryan and Marco Rubio recently laid out a vision for the GOP’s future," he writes. "Too bad it shows Republicans have learned nothing at all from their historic trouncing on Election Day."

Despite upholstering their speeches with ample liberal rhetoric ... Rubio and Ryan both stuck hard to current-day GOP gospel. Raising tax rates isn’t an option. Relying on government isn’t the answer, and all the rest. ... But it was only about messaging. The substance of their positions, to them, is fine and dandy.

Neither they nor the people they’re talking to are ready to accept that they’ve been wrong about anything except messaging, and until they are, this is just gaseous rhetoric.

A USA Today editorial demonstrates how ineffective the GOP has been in matching action to its newfound rhetoric. The party's failure to meaningfully recalibrate after last month's election losses sent the GOP over the reality cliff when the usually sober Senate Republicans voted down the Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities in a move that "reflected the continuing influence of a fringe that gets frantic about anything involving the United Nations," the paper wrote.

The most stunning example of the New GOP's thinking remaining as muddled and convoluted as the Old GOP's came from the Senate floor in the name of Minority Leader Mitch McConnell who effectively filibustered his own bluff when it was called out by Harry Reid. The Clown Car of Crazy was so bizarre, it gave Sen. Claire McCaskill, attempting to preside over the Republican asylum, a mild case of whiplash.

“This may be a moment in Senate history, when a senator made a proposal that, when given an opportunity for a vote on that proposal, filibustered his own proposal. I don’t think this has ever happened before,” quipped Illinois Democrat Sen. Dick Durbin in the wake of the fiasco.

Story of Mitt's very different 47-percent moocher class

"There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what ... who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe that government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it," Romney said in the fundraiser video.

Chart via Huffington Post

Forget Romney's dismissal of "dependency" of low-wage, federal income tax non-payers, his campaign apparently is rife with moochers riding the coattails of his own wealthy donors. One can hardly wait for the secret tape of him disparaging yet another group of Americans -- his own small non-donor class.

Fox, Ann Romney still whine about getting picked on

[Update: 9/23/2012] In our latest bawlfest, Miss Ann lashes out at Republicans for taking her husband to task for his “rolling calamity” of a presidential run. After breaking the "no crying in politics" rule yet again, the Romneybot's Best Asset and Woman Whisperer was yanked off the trail and relegated to scrounging for cash. Bonus "This is Hard" video courtesy of ColumnFiftyFive.

[Now back to our regularly scheduled entertainment from Fox Comedy]

Based on this interview, Fox News should immediately surrender their White House press credentials, not being members of "the media" and all. Top that with the ongoing whinging of poor, pathetic Ann Romney who's spent her life living comfortably on the backs of outsourced American jobs and off-shored American tax dollars.

Break out the hankies before viewing our aspiring First Bellyacher in her heroic campaign to stand beside our first Wimp-in-Chief. This political soap opera will just break your heart.

Romney gettin' whupped by Community Organizer

James Carville unloads on Hannity last night about Romney's gross campaign incompetence and dereliction of duty to the Republican Party:

"And you should be mad because that campaign and Romney is not standing up for you. How can a guy be running for president and know he was going to run for president and not get rid of Swiss bank accounts, because you know that's going to be an issue? He didn't want to do it. He didn't want to go to the trouble. So he gets the nomination and now he has these guys from Chicago outflank him and Republicans and conservatives are duly angry at Romney for not standing for them.

"I think the Republicans are mad. And you know why they [are] mad? Because a Harvard educated community organizer is beating them in a street fight. And they're mad about it because they're used to winning these fights. And Obama people are outflanking and outmaneuvering and beating the Romney people and everybody knows it and the people that are watching this network knows it," James Carville said on FOX News' "Hannity" tonight.

Meet the Bainers

Now, I'm no particular fan of RedState nor of it's self-important leader Erick Son of Erick but I've got to admit, that every once in a while his brain spits out a cogent thought and his most recent one is a keeper.

Over on his virtual asylum, Erick contends that citizens shouting "Show us your papers" to financially-closeted Willard constitute a new, radical left-wing cabal of crazies unwilling to accept established, conventionally accepted truths.

"The Bainers will not take any answer that does not show Romney to be a liar or felon in the same way Birthers will take no answer other than one that shows Barack Obama is not an American citizen."

So, meet the Bainers.

There is one teeny problem with Erick's attempt to blur the edges of reality: President Obama showed us his papers. Romney has not.

Willard plays the refs, bats 0-2

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. In fact, it was just this morning. I remember it like it was today.

Yeah, you know ... when the Boston Globe ran a devastating article entitled, "Mitt Romney stayed at Bain 3 years longer than he stated."

Now, having whiffed on the first pitch thrown across the plate by the Washington Post, the gallant Romney team stepped up to the plate for a second at bat with a second pitcher.

"We are drafting a formal [correction] request, they will have today,” wrote Romney Press Secretary Andrea Saul.

Swing batter, batter, swing!

Adventures in Wingnutia: Maine Kampf Edition Redux

It's not often that on one's way to a reprise of an already-established apology, one trips over the words and falls deeper into stupidity.

But that's exactly what happened to the Pine Tree State's governor not very long ago.

This morning, Maine Gov. Paul LePage was in Vermont (out of respect for the citizens of that state, I have to believe it was an illegal border crossing) for a fundraiser.

The hilarious tale unfolds from there.

"Standing by Brock's side at the Sheraton in South Burlington, the Maine governor said, "What I am trying to say is the Holocaust was a horrific crime against humanity and, frankly, I would never want to see that repeated. Maybe the IRS is not quite as bad -- yet."

LePage then said, "They're headed in that direction."

Asked if he had a sense of what the Gestapo did during the second world war, LePage said, "Yeah, they killed a lot of people."

Asked whether the IRS "was headed in the direction of killing a lot of people," LePage answered: "Yeah."

Now teacher gave you two chance, Paulie and you still failed the test. Dummkopf

Adventures in Wingnutia: Maine Kampf Edition

 One of the toughest undertakings a reasonable mind can attempt is a slog through Wingnutspeak.

Regular folks listen to words through the prism of regular meaning. What one reasonably cannot expect the rational mind to do, however, is distort commonly understood lexicon into the ever-shifting maladaptations presented by the New Conservative Collective. Wingnutspeak wouldn't be that demanding an undertaking if it had either a basis in reality or didn't shift from day to day.

Let's take a recent example: Maine Tea Party dimwit Paul LePage's most recent ramblings about "something something freedom something Gestapo something IRS something something Obamacare something." I only invoke LePage's name because he's in the news now, but that quote is as Tea Party formula as Giulliani's "noun-verb-9/11" construct. The problem for sane Americans becomes "Whatever in the hell is that ginormous lunatic bloviating about?"

It really just comes down to interpretation and in order to understand the words being vomited, one must toss aside all the usual reference books and turn to the Wingnut Translation Service for the day.

Let me try my hand at guiding you through the crazy.

Get that woman a waaambulance, STAT!

“No. 1, they’re not correct. It makes you recognize that they are gonna do everything they can to destroy Mitt,” Ann Romney recently whimpered.

  

Willard Mitt unzipped on January 30, 2012:

On The Today Show this morning, Mitt Romney responded to a New York Times piece detailing the campaign's strategy to win Florida by destroying Newt Gingrich.

"There's no question that politics ain't bean bags, and we have made sure that our message is out loud and clear."