Who could have possibly seen THIS coming?

In the rush to extract the last possible drop of crude from the ground and push the most toxic fossil fuel on the planet through the pristine American mid-western plains, Canada's greedy bastards joined forces with America's greedy bastards to foist the environmentally dangerous XL Pipeline on America's unwitting citizenry.

State Department: No Environmental Reason To Delay Keystone XL 

If you haven't guessed by now, Truth rushed in and slapped a whole bunch of "Real^TM" Americans bang upside their ever-trusting heads. The town of Mayfield, Arkansas, gained notoriety over the Easter weekend as Exxon-Mobil went out of its way to prove the State Department big, fat liars. Aw, hell, the fat cats could have been satisfied with their global record-setting $44 billion in profits, but naw, why not go fuck over a middle-class neighborhood and its nearby fishing hole. After all, the majority of these Red State denizens were probably too busy online bashing the Obama Administration for giving a shit about their delightful little homes and local water supply to notice the sludge rushing into the subdivision.

There's a Whole Class of Dangerous 'Intellectuals' in America-Always Ready to Shill for the Powerful|Alternet alternet.org/media/theres-w…
— deb (@smallhousedeb) April 2, 2013

Heir Club 4 Growth: Orangutan Edition

In the modern world of cuckoo conservatism, too many deranged lunatics of the right-wing variety have come to the fore to name any one of them the movement's standard bearing Top Grifter. Yet, if any one of these air-sucking bimbos wins the prize for taking best advantage of his 60 minutes of idiocy-producing fame, it would be the self-promoting, mop-topped ignoramus formerly known as Donald Trump.

Trump has gone from failed presidential candidate for the Compost Tea Party, that fecal-strewn dumping ground for deranged American pseudo-politicians, to simply failed American absent the ability to differentiate between the Trump-descriptive term "joke" and "legally-binding contract."

What follows is a take-down of the idiot's judiciary-clogging frivolity by the comedian who fired up the lone cell in The Donald's brain -- Bill Maher. Hilarity follows.

Oh, Donald ...

Republican economics 001

Oh, God ... if you've ever scratched your head in wonder at the depth of Stupid wandering the halls of the Republican-led US House of Representatives, search no more for the root of the nation's woes. Take a look at the National Republican Congressional Committee's response to calls for President Obama to mint a trillion-dollar coin to sidestep a second, GOP-manufactured debt ceiling debacle:

The amount of platinum needed to mint a coin worth $1 trillion would sink the Titanic nrcc.org/spending twitter.com/NRCC/status/28…
— NRCC (@NRCC) January 9, 2013

 Pithy hilarity ensues after jump ...

Latina not amused by Romney's Latino fundraiser joke

Story of Mitt's very different 47-percent moocher class

"There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what ... who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe that government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it," Romney said in the fundraiser video.

Chart via Huffington Post

Forget Romney's dismissal of "dependency" of low-wage, federal income tax non-payers, his campaign apparently is rife with moochers riding the coattails of his own wealthy donors. One can hardly wait for the secret tape of him disparaging yet another group of Americans -- his own small non-donor class.

Tick tock goes the clock, Now summer's gone away?

The lyrics are from "Doctor Who"'s Night Terrors Nursery Rhyme, the horror is Willard Mitt Romney's alone, as voters start sealing the deal by casting early votes. Below is the schedule for states early voting that may well seal the lying Weathervane Willard's destiny.

Bonus entertainment round: Video of The Tick Tock Nursery Rhyme from "Doctor Who."

Fox, Ann Romney still whine about getting picked on

[Update: 9/23/2012] In our latest bawlfest, Miss Ann lashes out at Republicans for taking her husband to task for his “rolling calamity” of a presidential run. After breaking the "no crying in politics" rule yet again, the Romneybot's Best Asset and Woman Whisperer was yanked off the trail and relegated to scrounging for cash. Bonus "This is Hard" video courtesy of ColumnFiftyFive.

[Now back to our regularly scheduled entertainment from Fox Comedy]

Based on this interview, Fox News should immediately surrender their White House press credentials, not being members of "the media" and all. Top that with the ongoing whinging of poor, pathetic Ann Romney who's spent her life living comfortably on the backs of outsourced American jobs and off-shored American tax dollars.

Break out the hankies before viewing our aspiring First Bellyacher in her heroic campaign to stand beside our first Wimp-in-Chief. This political soap opera will just break your heart.

Butter and jam for your #Romneytoast

AmericanBridge Pac 21st Century  strikes back

Adventures in Wingnutia: High Priest of The Stupid Edition

 Speaking before a conservative audience at the annual Values Voter Summit Saturday, former GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum said that conservatives “will never have the elite smart people on our side.”

“We will never have the elite smart people on our side, because they believe they should have the power to tell you what to do,” said Santorum, adding, “So our colleges and universities, they’re not going to be on our side.

Chinese formally chide Willard, outs his source of wealth

"I also want to make sure that if a nation cheats like China has cheated, we call them on the carpet and don't let it continue." - Romney at Sept. 13 campaign rally in Virginia

 Just one day after climbing atop his high horse vowing to clamp down on China, calling it a "currency manipulator" and a "cheat," Romney was toppled by a scathing swipe from one of the country's official government newspapers.

Citing the irony of America's outsourcer-in-chief bashing China's currency values after having cashed in on it to great personal advantage, the article noted Romney has damaged relations between the countries and suggested he abandon "short-sighted China-bashing tricks and adopt at least a little bit of statesmanship on China-U.S. ties."

 What is more sensational is that this millionaire GOP candidate has vowed to declare China a currency manipulator on the first day of his presidency if elected.

Yet it is rather ironic that a considerable portion of this China-battering politician's wealth was actually obtained by doing business with Chinese companies before he entered politics.

The piece contends that Romney's "blaming-China-on-everything remarks are as false as they are foolish" and went on to lay blame for U.S. economic woes at the feet of its debtor, as only a note-holder might.

Romney thinks you're stupid, you are if you invite Bush back into your home

Imagine you just hosted a big neighborhood gathering. Everybody came over, ate the food, drank the beer and left the typical big old mess. Then, on top of that, you realize that one sketchy neighbor, whom you really never trusted in the first place, got a hold of your laptop while everyone was distracted by the festivities and hacked into your bank account wiping it out.

As though the theft itself wasn't bad enough, not only could you not get law enforcement's attention but as you're falling behind in various payments and losing your home, the neighbors for some alternate reality reason all pitched in and decided to help the thieving neighbor because he'd blown through his ill-gotten and is now teetering on bankruptcy.

Now, would any right-thinking person expect you to .. or even ask you to ... invite this miserable soul to your next get-together? I'd think not. But former governor Romney thinks you should and, remarkably, that you would offer such thievery re-entry to your home. 

 In May of 2000, when George W. Bush was running for president on a platform of extravagant tax cuts for all, his campaign did something that would be considered remarkable today: it submitted his tax plan to the Congressional Joint Committee on Taxation, to see how much all those tax cuts would cost the Treasury.

The bipartisan committee ran through the details provided by the campaign and predicted that the tax plan would cost about $1.3 trillion over nine years, an underestimate but a clear sign of its high price tag. With the budget in surplus at the time, Mr. Bush didn’t dispute that cost, and never tried to pretend that the cuts would be free. Within a decade, in fact, they would turn out to be the biggest factor in the huge deficit he created.

Twelve years later, Mitt Romney, the presumptive Republican nominee, claims his far deeper tax cuts would have a price tag of exactly zero dollars. He has no intention of submitting his tax plan to the committee or anywhere else that might conduct a serious analysis, since he seems intent on running a campaign far more opaque than any candidate has in years.

Romney's message to voters? We decide, you abide.

Ryan: Let them eat corn!!

Unless you're someone who makes the state fair circuit a regular pastime, news that Iowa State Fair's giant pumpkin competition took a huge hit this year is barely a blip on your radar.

Due to a persistent drought and the hottest July in the recorded history of Julys, this year's weigh-in for the behemoth gourds showed significant weight reduction among its top giants. For the first time in years, the winner clocked in at under 1,000 pounds.

As though to soften the competitive blow, farmer Dan Carlson, half of the winning Peterson-Carlson team for the past three years, pointed to farmers facing fates worse than their own, asking, "Have you seen the corn crop lately?”

It was among all this talk of less than super-sized pumpkins and drought and devastated corn crops that Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan came to stump for votes.

Romney falling star made Atlas weep

I just have to ask: What the hell is the deal with Republicans and their 15-minute Hall of Famers who embody the opposite of the snake oil they're trying to sell?
 
Last election cycle, the GOP candidates spammed us with Joe "Not a Licensed Plumber and Whose Name Isn't Even Joe" Wurzelbacher and anticipated that rational Americans would buy his schtick. He was crafted into a Conservative icon based on the fact that he was able to wake up one morning, walk his neighborhood and form a cogent (if fact-free) question.

Stupid shit Romney peeps say

 

Lovey, We are V.I.P.

“Is there a V.I.P. entrance? We are V.I.P.” 

Oh my, Thurston, who IS on our yacht?

Ms. Simmons paused to highlight what she said was her husband’s generous spirit: “Tell them who’s on your yacht this weekend! Tell him!” Over Mr. Conklin’s objections, Ms. Simmons disclosed that a major executive from Miramax, the movie company, was on the 75-foot yacht, because, she said, there were no rooms left at the hotel.

That common(er) touch

"I don't think the common person is getting it. Nobody understands why Obama is hurting them. We've got the message, but my college kid, the baby sitters, the nails ladies -- everybody who's got the right to vote -- they don't understand what's going on. I just think if you're lower income -- one, you're not as educated, two, they don't understand how it works, they don't understand how the systems work, they don't understand the impact."

So for you, "the common person" unable to comprehend these quotes as written words, the Reverend Al Sharpton has provided a visual aid for dummies. 

So without further interruption or continued ridicule and mockery ... Reverend Al presents: