Adventures in Wingnutia: High Priest of The Stupid Edition

 Speaking before a conservative audience at the annual Values Voter Summit Saturday, former GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum said that conservatives “will never have the elite smart people on our side.”

“We will never have the elite smart people on our side, because they believe they should have the power to tell you what to do,” said Santorum, adding, “So our colleges and universities, they’re not going to be on our side.

Adventures in Wingnutia: Maine Kampf Edition Redux

It's not often that on one's way to a reprise of an already-established apology, one trips over the words and falls deeper into stupidity.

But that's exactly what happened to the Pine Tree State's governor not very long ago.

This morning, Maine Gov. Paul LePage was in Vermont (out of respect for the citizens of that state, I have to believe it was an illegal border crossing) for a fundraiser.

The hilarious tale unfolds from there.

"Standing by Brock's side at the Sheraton in South Burlington, the Maine governor said, "What I am trying to say is the Holocaust was a horrific crime against humanity and, frankly, I would never want to see that repeated. Maybe the IRS is not quite as bad -- yet."

LePage then said, "They're headed in that direction."

Asked if he had a sense of what the Gestapo did during the second world war, LePage said, "Yeah, they killed a lot of people."

Asked whether the IRS "was headed in the direction of killing a lot of people," LePage answered: "Yeah."

Now teacher gave you two chance, Paulie and you still failed the test. Dummkopf

Adventures in Wingnutia: Maine Kampf Edition

 One of the toughest undertakings a reasonable mind can attempt is a slog through Wingnutspeak.

Regular folks listen to words through the prism of regular meaning. What one reasonably cannot expect the rational mind to do, however, is distort commonly understood lexicon into the ever-shifting maladaptations presented by the New Conservative Collective. Wingnutspeak wouldn't be that demanding an undertaking if it had either a basis in reality or didn't shift from day to day.

Let's take a recent example: Maine Tea Party dimwit Paul LePage's most recent ramblings about "something something freedom something Gestapo something IRS something something Obamacare something." I only invoke LePage's name because he's in the news now, but that quote is as Tea Party formula as Giulliani's "noun-verb-9/11" construct. The problem for sane Americans becomes "Whatever in the hell is that ginormous lunatic bloviating about?"

It really just comes down to interpretation and in order to understand the words being vomited, one must toss aside all the usual reference books and turn to the Wingnut Translation Service for the day.

Let me try my hand at guiding you through the crazy.

Adventures in Wingnutia: 'Give a Lamb a Gun' Edition

Paging Dr. Colbert ... Dr. Stephen Colbert .Doctor, doctor ... he's baaack.

Into that part of the interwebs which is that boiling cauldron of clueless craziness mixed with conspiracy theories and hopelessness, with a touch of  -- otherwise known as the Conservative Center of Mass -- rides Herman "Uzbeki-beki-stan-stan" Cain with a spanking brand new internet offering.

Despite the fact that I may have overlooked a "beki" or two (and maybe even a "stan"), follow me further for a breathtaking site review as only The Guardian's Oliver Burkeman can deliver!

Adventures in Wingnutia: Marsha, Marsha, Marsha Edition

While Romney is entertaining on his own, he is merely the head clown in a clown car full of idiots. Here's a remix of IL Congressman (yes, a bunch of morons voted for this guy) Joe Walsh doubling down on the stupid on CNN (set to Destiny's Child's "Say My Name").